Fitness and Armada

I am having a weird day.

I, hilariously, drank a shit ton of coffee today. In fact, as I write this at 7pm on sunday, I dont think I've had anything else to drink at all today. I know it's bad for me. 

Ugh. Gotta stop that. My anxiety has been off the wall. But just being aware of it has made all the difference in the world, compared to the old days.

Paul and I went to our Star Wars Amarda campaign today. Michael wanted to try it, so I made him a decent fleet. Our 4th rebel player hasn't shown up in weeks, so Micheal took his place. He said he had fun, but the game moves too slow for him and each match is long. So he got bored, and decided to bow out. I had completed my game, so I finished his round out for him. He didn't win, but didn't get destroyed either. His new fleet will help us during the pivotal. The guy he replaced had a really weak fleet. Michael's MC80 will definitely give us some more firepower, and his X-Wings and A-Wings with the Gr-75 and its bomber command center give my squads some added firepower and defense. I'm currently dominating the squad game out of everyone, thanks to Anakin and Ahsoka, but my Venator star destroyer isn't being so lucky this campaign. I win every other round. 

The girl behind the counter decided to take pictures of us all playing. I'm losing weight, but I'm still unhappy with how I look in photos. I need to amp up working out. Walking an hour a day at the park is enough to maintain my current physique (I think I look alright in the mirror, but photos, man... make me depressed). I need to try to add 30 minutes of cardio a day. I already go to the gym every morning to shower. It'll be difficult,  but I might as well budget my time to get up 30 minutes earlier to get the exercise bike or treadmill in. That might just be enough.  I don't eat that much sugar. Never have. And I drink coffee mostly black. I need to drink more water. 

I need to work in time to be creative. I'm tired of just consuming content. I want to make some. All I want is to sail my boat to Japan. I feel like, somehow, YouTube will help get me there. I just need to stop recording videos but never posting them, and just commit to whatever it is I have is what I have. Nobody is perfect. 

I guess I'm feeling upset. Not sure why or from what, but it's most likely from drinking coffee all day and now my brain chemistry just isn't compensating enough. I just don't feel very good. Yet still optimistic about maybe fixing our boat situation. Maybe. It's still a long road, getting from here to there, with everything we still need to happen with insurance and hopefully Fema to rectify that situation. But it looks better every other day.

Work is going fine. My pay gets better all the time, and I'm starting to get on top of our finances. I just need to start having a surplus to pay for things instead of just surviving paycheck to paycheck.

I'm worried about Paul and Michael having an education and being ready for the world. I don't know how to help them. I'm never home, except on weekends. 

I get up at 4 or 5 am every day, drive 2 hours to the office, then drive 2 hours into Miami. Work a 6 hour day, drive 2 hours back to the office, and then 2 hours home. Repeat.

I have no actual time to do anything. Except, consume content while driving. I can't do anything else except focus on driving.

Maybe I'm could talk to a camera while driving, but considering I'm very uncomfortable with my appearance on cameras right now, I don't think that would work for me.

Maybe I could just do video essay style stuff, record my voice (with car noises in the background). 

I just want my kids to be happy. They're going stir crazy and I have no idea how to make anything better for them.